Ill do, ill do Chicago!

For the last 21 soon to be 22 years I have responded to the name Jake, I have little choice, that's what my Ma and Pa named me,  a divorce soon followed. 
They have both seen me naked and that alone makes me want to them draw me in pencil. My Mum Victoria who I've known for several years now resembles a youngish Sigourney weaver, be it a drunk Sigourney weaver, more so in her 80s hit Ghostbusters 2 when she was possessed by a ghost and floating braless above her bed. My link to the film gives me a reason for regularly saying 'I opened the ice box and there was a monster shouting Zool, whose Zool?'.  

When your mom has fought Aliens and starred alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt you wont be suprised when I tell you my father Wayne was also an 80s babe. One day there I was skipping around my living room when I noticed a beam of leather vying for my attention on the CD rack. Suddenly I froze, I didn't have enough trimmed body hair to pull off leather I thought to myself with a short bout of hesitation as I began spinning towards the shelf. That's when I discovered not a secret, but 'THE SECRET', Wayne was not Wayne at all, he was George 'Fastlove' Michael. I ran upstairs right away and told all the men washing in his bedroom to scadaddle and advised them to take a pregnancy test pronto.

If you are looking out your window wondering about what's just happened the answers yes, I too have the 80s gene. Only it is a mutated form of the gene as its deteriorated into the 1970s gene, as my body has matured into that of an independent showgirl. I've been likened to the shark from jaws up close and the bad guy from Grease with craters swarming his face and that gives me the confidence to pursue a career in becoming a blind lawyer. That's a wrap folks, my first blog has concluded in a unorthodox fashion but hey man that's just who I am, so on that note its a goodnight from me and its a goodnight from me. Thanks for tuning in and remember kids, Get your ass to mars.